Down the Rabbit Hole

Day 15: Boente to Santa Irene to Astrar – 25 km, 7 hours Day 15 – Part 2: Astrar to O’Pedrouzo – 2.9 km, plus 2 km, 2 hours Approximately 30 km in total today. Today was the 2nd last stage of the Camino Frances. I began the day with about 47 km to Santiago. As I departed for Santa Irene I experienced a mix of emotions. I had only a few hours sleep due to some intense snoring in the albergue and I wondered if I would have the energy required for the big day ahead. I was also excited, being so close to Santiago and to the “end.” But then I remembered to continue to savour the journey and that there was no rush to get there. I set the intention of walking with my family in mind – my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews and my beloved Joel. I had spent time with friends and extended family, who remained in my heart, but today I would Be alongside my family. As I began to walk I thought about many of the qualities and values received and passed on from my parents as individuals and as role models. Things like honesty and integrity, compassion and generosity. And the importance of family. Of acceptance and tolerance and inclusivity. My parents are good people. I love them deeply and I am grateful for all they have taught me and all I continue to learn from them. I see now all they contributed to me being awarded the “Christian Spirit Award!” On a more cultural level, my passion for music and dancing, hosting and social skills come from both parents. They had a vinyl collection (RIP Chuck Berry) and very early on, like for my 7th birthday or so, bought me a Mickey Mouse record player along with my first two records – an Elvis Christmas and The Jungle Book soundtrack. I LOVED that record player – it was blue and white and Mickey´s arm would glide across the record, the needle in his hand with the black glove on it! I started collecting vinyl and still have some of my early records to this day. Thanks also to my cousin Laura Nemchin who also nurtured the music and vinyl bug! I definitely got my interest in fashion and design from my mom. And thanks to her, thrifty shopping skills. Her ability to beautifully decorate a room on a $5 budget is awe-inspiring!! This trait supported my champagne taste on a beer budget! And from my dad I got being a sales person with integrity. And the ability and desire to share things I believe in. The connector in me also comes from him. After that bit of parent time, my mind wandered and I became distracted by – or present to – my surroundings. Treasures are abundant on the Camino. Along the Way I picked up many sorts of organic matter, carrying some with me for short periods of time and keeping others until the end. Rocks, branches, nuts, leaves and herbs infused with thoughts, wishes and prayers all became part of the altars I created on the Camino and left at various sites. Over the course of the day different people would pop into my mind. I would leave a stone in their honour or have a chat with them (in my mind or aloud) or draft a WhatsApp message or email to them to honour the gift of their presence. I kept bringing myself back to my family and I noticed what I thought was a resistance to walk with my family. Or something. And then I realized what it was – it was as if, for the first time on the Camino, I had an attachment to something rather than just letting things happen or arise naturally. I was like, I have walked with many people and today, being the second last day, I want to focus on my family. I wanted to see or uncover and heal anything that was left to. Upon further contemplating this I realized that all was good. That I was very happy about and satisfied with the relationships I have with my parents and that there was nothing to heal at this time. I had returned to the Ottawa area and spent valuable time with each of them and over that time I learned to accept each beautiful individual for who they are. And so I let go of anything I thought I might need or want to happen and walked on in peace and lightness. Soon after I came across a mother and her seven-year old daughter from Germany. They are taking a year to travel in a camper van with their two children. How awesome is that! As part of the adventure they decided to walk the Camino for a week. After one day the five-year old son decided he did not want to continue, but mother and daughter did. So it was decided that father and son would drive ahead and meet mother and daughter for the nights. Of course that got me thinking – and feeling about my nieces and nephews and how incredible it would be to do something of the like with them. Or at least holiday with them. At this point I was walking with a woman I had met the day before and she began to share some personal things about her relationship with her family, specifically her sisters. And that got me thinking about my responsibility an older sister – and my role as an aunt. And this caused me a bit of a shock…making a connection as I recalled leaving Ottawa at 21, when my siblings were very young – and I cried as I wondered if they felt abandoned by me. And now, I left Ottawa again and my nieces and nephews are young! Maybe my siblings did feel abandoned. Maybe it seemed as if I did abandon them but it was in search of me. If I did, it was not consciously. At that time, and throughout my teens I was learning to take care of and to love me. I needed myself and all the resources I had to deal with my life and what I had experienced in my young life. I love my siblings and I missed a big part of their lives and sometimes I wish I hadn´t. That I could have been more present during my years on the coast. But I did my best. That is my truth and that I know. So be gentle on yourself I reminded myself. After 13 or so years on the coast I had returned to Ottawa. Inspired by the birth of my first niece. And then a nephew and another and another niece and nephew and another. And I cherished and treasured every moment with them, creating opportunities to spend time with them despite busy lives and schedules. And then I began to cry, as I allowed myself to feel the pain of missing them. All of them. They are such treasured gifts and they bring me so much joy! In my mind I could hear them all saying, “I wish you weren´t moving” and “I will miss you so much!” And I began wondering if I am reliving the “abandonment” of siblings but now with nieces and nephews!? And my parents? But I am not. I am living my life and doing what I know is important to and healthy for me. I am honouring myself and my needs…even though I DO miss them and cry again as I write. I realize how important it is to me to remain connected with them even from a distance. So thank goodness for Skype and FaceTime and WhatsApp! Then I came back to the vacation and travel idea inspired by meeting the mom and daughter and felt better because years ago I started a travel fund for the kids and so that makes the possibility of travel together a reality – even if I have to supplement to make it happen I will because I want the time with them. And I will make it happen. And that makes me smile. I stopped and drew a heart on a rock and inside wrote the initials of my family members, starting with my parents at the top, then siblings then nephews and nieces. A kind of family tree left alongside the Camino. All this had passed and it wasn’t even lunch time yet! I stopped in a pueblo called Burres and had the best bocadillo (sandwich) to date! It was on the freshest bread, with tomato and lettuce and a big chunk of local cheese, and I had them add an avocado I was carrying to it. It came with the cutest miniature olive oil packet and I enjoyed it to the max! – taking half of it with me to snack on later. After being nourished I went on my merry way, and having left many other people still eating, was on my own for a bit. It was so quiet on the path that I thought I took a wrong turn and backtracked… twice at the same spot! Finally I saw another pilgrim headed my way and my fear was eased. And I made a new friend. I came across a hearty pine cone asking me to take it with me. What a great companion it turned out to be. It made a great thumb piano, metronome and friend to talk to and hold. A few more times I found myself distracted, but brought back to the present moment by the smell of cow shit…which I realized I actually missed, having not passed any farms in two days. I wondered how many hundred or thousands of pounds of shit did I walk by on this Camino? Cow shit. Pig shit. Chicken shit. Sheep shit. Goat shit. Bird shit. They all have their unique pungent smells and for a moment I appreciated this. By this time it was mid-afternoon and I had settled into a pace, taming the excitement of arriving and coming back to being in the here and now thanks to the animals and the wind dancing through the trees. Shortly thereafter I arrived in Santa Irene where I discovered that I had my bag sent to an albergue in a neighbouring village called Astrar, where I had planned to stay. But it was early afternoon and I still had energy to carry on. A strong intuition told me to continue walking to O’Pedrouzo even though I had to carry my bag for 3 or so km. So I walked 700 m off the path to the albergue and it was like a ghost town. No one else there. I grabbed bag and walked the 700 m back to the Camino and headed to O’Pedrouzo. That was when I met the sisters, Nina and Christina from L.A.. Like angels they appeared to accompany me and take my mind off the fact that I was carrying my pack. We had a lovely time talking and sharing! So much so that we walked right by O’Predrouzo and had to walk back lol! Tag another extra 2km or so onto the day lol! They had researched an albergue ahead of time and I followed them there. Porto del Santiago was the name. And it was heaven as far as albergues go! We found a sweet little corner to ourselves, settled in, showered and headed off to dinner together. And what a wonderful dinner it was!! Finally a pilgrim´s menu with vegetarian options! The restaurant, called Taste the Way, was of beautiful design – warm wood and featured all local food and drinks with a communal table to encourage discussion and making friends and sharing stories. It also had local artisans products available for sale. And, it was right next door to our home for the night! After dinner we retired to our bunk beds and I had the best and quietest albergue sleep of my entire Camino. As I write this my attention is brought to the fact that today´s intenton was to walk with family, and that I came across a mother and daughter and two sisters walking together. Beautiful. I am reminded of a trip to Mexico with my two sisters last December – one of my most cherished memories and experiences. I hope we can do it again. Love you. So very much. Thank you for being in my life.